New Zealand Heavy Metal Forum & Discussion

Therapist · by **Therapist** » Tue Mar 15, 2011 3:27 pm

Q: How much crack did Charlie Sheen Smoke?

A: Enough to kill two & a half men

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:53 pm

Q: What did the Pacific Ocean say to Japan?

A: Nothing, it just waved.

:oops:

Obzen · by **Obzen** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:09 am

oooooooh sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiit!!!!

Trendkill · by **Trendkill** » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:44 am

I saw a Japanese hooker the other day

She was in fishnets

Rob · by **Rob** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:29 pm

How much cocain did charlie sheen do? enough to kill 2 1/2 men!

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:45 pm

Rob wrote:How much cocain did charlie sheen do? enough to kill 2 1/2 men!

May I suggest you look at the first post on this page?

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:33 pm

What a fucking moron!

Rob · by **Rob** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 6:13 pm

oh ahah. i live with "TherapisT' so haha i c what he did there. lol. im slow. who cares. MORON!

Therapist · by **Therapist** » Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:05 pm

My good friend just broke up with his Japanese girlfriend.

I told him "Don't worry mate, there's plenty more of them in the sea."

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:18 pm

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:59 pm

One day, an elderly woman enters a funeral home, accompanied byseveral hospital staff bearing her late husband, who has recently passed away. The funeral director immediately comes to the woman and offers his condolences.

"Ma'am, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Each person grieves in their own way. Please let me know what humble services I can offer."

"Thank you, sir. My husband was quite dear to me, and his passing is very sad.

"There is one request I will make from you," she continues, "One of my husband's final wishes was to be buried in a black suit. As you can see, he has passed wearing a blue suit. Please, money is no objection - I want my husband to be buried in the most exquisite black suit."

"Certainly, ma'am," the funeral director replies, "Please come back tomorrow and I will have your husband dressed perfectly. It would be my honor."

"Thank you so much. It means the world to me."

The widow returned the following day to see her husband presented in a gorgeous black suit.

"Oh! This is perfect! Absolutely gorgeous. Thank you so much." The woman pulls out her check book. "How much do I owe you?"

"Ma'am, you don't owe me a thing, as it turns out. Shortly after you left, another woman came in for a burial service, mourning the passing of her late husband. I noticed the man was wearing an excellent black suit, and after judging the size and build of him, thought he was precisely the same stature as your late husband. I asked the woman if she wouldn't mind too terribly if her husband was buried in a blue suit. Graciously, she accepted.

"So... I switched the heads."

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:10 pm

Death · by **Death** » Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:21 pm

Mince wrote:Question: whats the difference between period blood and sand?

Answer: you cant gargle sand.

Apparently if you mix the sand with the period blood its well gargle-able. Like throat exfoliation.

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:10 pm

10 oldest recorded jokes: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... 499115.ece

The double negative in #1 is just confusing. #6 is the riddle of the sphinx, not what I'd call a joke. 7 & 8 are the best!

Death · by **Death** » Thu Sep 08, 2011 12:49 pm

I got a job crushing cans. It's soda pressing..

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Thu Sep 08, 2011 3:11 pm

Death wrote:I got a job crushing cans. It's soda pressing..

Rob · by **Rob** » Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:59 pm

Death · by **Death** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 1:02 pm

4 blokes in a prison cell. An animal fucker, a sadist, a necrophiliac & a gay. The animal fucker says "if there was a cat here i'd fuck it till it passed out". The sadist nods & says "once you're done with it i'd torture it to death". The necrophiliac sighs "Oh yeah & once it was dead i'd fuck it till i passed out". The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow"

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:03 am

What's six inches long but didn't get sucked this Valentine's Day?
Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Death · by **Death** » Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:41 pm

The best thing about duct tape is it turns NONONO into MMM MMM MMM

Rob · by **Rob** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 4:59 pm

whats worse than 20 babies in 1 rubbish bins?

1 baby in 20 rubbish bins.

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:56 pm

Rob wrote:whats worse than 20 Robs in 1 thread?

1 Rob in 20 threads.

Trendkill · by **Trendkill** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:52 am

^ bahahahaha :lol:

Dead Kid · by **Dead Kid** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 6:25 pm

Torturor wrote:
Rob wrote:whats worse than 20 Robs in 1 thread?

1 Rob in 20 threads.

Hahaha. Would you read that 1 thread though? Imagine 20 Robs all battling it out... would they even understand each other?

Torturor · by **Torturor** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:17 pm

My apologies to Rob, I'm an ass.
Would certainly be a helluva read though. Cracking out gems like "no. "the "you" who you imagine "I" am in "Your" head" thinks that".

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